This is a level. For those not as inclined toward construction projects, a level is used to determine the horizontal straightness of something. A plumb-line is another tool used to determine the vertical straightness of something. Both tools help ensure something is vertically or horizontally aligned with the true standard of the level and gravitational pull of the earth.
Our house was built in the 1950s, so, it’s not super old, but also not super new. It’s structure has had time to settle and shift over time. Almost any project we’ve done in our house, we’ve quickly realized that something isn’t level or plumb. And one side of a wall, or one side of a floor or ceiling will be longer than the other. Making measurements and cuts frustrating and messy. Disaster and mess come with being unaligned from the true, original standard, to which the house was built.
This imagery captures the experience of our own lives, especially in relation to sexuality. In 2024, the standard for sex is determined according to a millions different standards. It’s become whatever someone wants it to be. Sexuality is solely a personal right. Sexuality is for someone you have feelings for. Sexuality is a benefit you have with a friend. Sexuality is a recreational activity, like watching a movie. Sexualty is just a physical activity, like eating. Sexuality is exclusive to a dating partner. Sexuality is with anyone, as long as it doesn’t “hurt” others. Sexuality is just for procreation. Sexuality is a reward. Sexuality is bargaining chip. Sexuality is where one can feel completed. And we could keep adding to this list. The standard for sexuality is all over the place. Is this the standard? Or is this the standard? Or, is maybe this the standard for sexuality?
Multiple standards for sexuality cause frustration and mess.
What we discover with so many standards is frustration and mess, like the mess and frustration I encounter when I find parts of my house not level and plumb. It leads to frustrating measurements, and messy progress in a project. So too, when we have so many standards for sexuality all out of alignment with each other, we experience frustration and messiness in how we: measure our own life; and how we measure relationship with others.
In our world, we’re tempted to believe that we can access some degree of a fuller life, by being sexual however we see fit. But, what we encounter in 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, is that God’s word declares otherwise.
Alignment with Jesus is where we find fullness of life.
In 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, we encounter that alignment with Jesus is where we find fullness of life. It’s in alignment with Jesus that we discover the true standard for sexual activity. We encounter that alignment with Jesus is how we can experience God’s fullness of life in marriage. We encounter that alignment with Jesus is how we can also experience God’s fulness of life in celibacy. Yes, you heard that right, in sexual abstinence. Good news of God that we encounter in this passage, is that we don’t have to guess at the standard for a full life. And we don’t have to guess at the standard for sexuality. We have a true standard that’s been revealed to us in God’s word, in Jesus. The creator of all things has come to show us us what fullness of life looks like. In John 10:10b, Jesus says, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10b)
Jesus has come to show us what fullness of life also looks like in our sexuality. Jesus has come to show us what fullness of life looks like in marriage. And Jesus has come to show us what fullness of life looks like in celibacy, in sexual abstinence.
Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself.
Whether married or celibate, God’s word is inviting you to consider if you are fully aligned with Jesus, to live into His fullness of life. Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself. Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself.
In 2024 America, you have to almost go out of your way to not encounter something sexual or sensual: From tv shows, commercials, billboards, online adds, to fashion styles. Sexuality is on display almost everywhere. American culture is furthest from advocating sexual moderation or abstinence. Celibacy is not considered a virtue in our day and age. Which makes 1 Corinthians 7:1-9 an odd passage for us to make sense of.
Earlier in 1 Corinthians 5, the author, the Apostle Paul has already highlighted a spectrum of Corinthian culture that advocated for sexual freedom, with the man who was sleeping with his father’s wife. That is one extreme swing of the cultural pendulum – away from the standard of God. The other extreme swing of the pendulum is ultra conservative sexuality.
1 Corinthians 7 is the beginning of a section of Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth, regarding questions they had for him about how to follow Jesus in certain areas of life; and one of those areas is in terms of sexuality. Paul notes that one of the matters they wrote to him about is in regard to a Corinthian spiritual ideology. The quoted line in 7:1 captures this ideological belief: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” (1 Corinthians 7:1)
This belief was that it was better, that it was more spiritual to be celebate, even in marriage. This belief was shaping, married, Corinthian followers of Jesus to be celibate – to withhold sex in marriage, because it was considered more spiritual and Godly.
Like I said, American culture does not struggle with this exact temptation per se. If anything, we’re far more tempted to find it good to be sexual in all sorts of relationships and situations. But, if we pause for a moment, there are ways that we find ourselves tempted to a similar belief to this misaligned Corintian belief, even in marriage.
How about someone who is celibate from intimacy with their spouse to work long hours and acquire a wealthy lifestyle? Or, someone who is celibate from presence with their spouse to pursue fun and entertainment. Or, maybe the closest contemporary examples to someone intentionally being celibate in marriage are: A) Someone who is celibate from sexual activity with their spouse because they are pursuing sexual gratification from pornography or other independent sexual activity. Or, B) Someone who is celibate from sexual activity with their spouse as an escape, or protection from a previous hurt or poor self-esteem.
These examples may not be pursuing celibacy to be more spiritual or Godly, but they are pursuits of celibacy from sexual activity with one’s spouse, to experience something something beyond one’s current situation. Something transcendent to one’s current situation in life. Something believed to be a fuller experience of life: a lavish lifestyle; the high of fun and entertainment; the immediate pleasure; an escape or protection. Whatever shape, we still, today, are tempted toward celibacy – or abstinence – from sexual wholeness in marriage, in pursuit of other fulfillment.
Paul seeks to guide this false understanding of celibacy and marriage, In 1 Corinthians 7:2, by highlighting that celibacy in marriage IS NOT THE STANDARD for marriage. Regular sexual relations between a husband and wife is the standard. Rather, regular sexual relations between a husband and wife is the standard. When this isn’t happening, sexual immorality, or misalignment from God’s original true standard happens.
This may partially be why Paul references prostitution in 1 Corihians 6 (a chapter earlier). Meaning, you might be married to your spouse, but you’re not living like a married person. You’re claiming to be Godly by not having sex with your spouse, but, when sexual desire arises, you’re pursuing a prostitute to instead of your spouse. In your pursuit of what you “believe” to be good, you’re actually moving away from God’s way of life.
We’ve been trying to show our 3 year old daughter how to pedal bike. One way that I’ve tried to explain it, is that the initial push forward of the pedal by one foot will bring the other pedal up, for the other foot to push it forward. And the repeat of that process, will keep the cycle happening. The idea is that their is a mutual relationship between both feet, when pedaling a bicycle.
The Bible and the Apostle Paul’s writing is often critiqued as being overly patriarchal and sexually repressive. But notice that in 1 Corinthians 7:2-4, Paul goes out of his way to highlight the mutuality of a man and woman in the marriage relationship, even in relation to sex: “…each man should have sexual relations with his OWN wife, AND each woman with he OWN husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:2)
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to HIS wife, AND likewise the wife to HER husband.” (1 Corinthians 7:3
It’s in this mutual relationship that sexual relations are designed to take place. It’s in marriage that sex is designed to happen. Men, it’s with your wife – that sex is designed to happen. Women, it’s with your husband – that sex is designed to happen.
One of the toughest things to teach my kids, has been the concept of taking care of things that they have. This is especially hard in the next-day, delivery world that we live in. My kids are already shaped to believe that anything can be replaced in a day. And the challenge has been helping them to see that mistreating something that the family uses: like walls, tables, appliances – doesn’t just affect their life, but it affects our family unit’s life: the structure of our house; the table we have to eat on; the appliances we have for cooking and storing food.
This “unit” idea is what Paul highlights about marriage in 1 Corinthians 7:4, “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.” (1 Corinthians 7:4)
Marriage is a unit, or uniting of two people into one. (1 Corinthians 6:16; Genesis 2:24)
It’s the two becoming one flesh idea that Paul has already referenced in 1 Corinthians 6:16, and draws from Genesis 2:24 (when Adam and Eve come together as one). In a marriage: husband, it’s not just about you; wife, it’s not just about you. It’s about both of you. And a marriage is the complete union of two people: intimacy, presence, and bodily union. Marriage isn’t just about intimacy without bodily union. Marriage isn’t just about bodily union without presence. Marriage isn’t just about bodily union without presence in other aspects of life. And marriage isn’t just about presence without bodily union. Marriage is the complete union of a husband and a wife. And this union is ultimately a picture of the union that a follower of Jesus shares with God.
In Orchard Park, we can see the skeleton of the new Bills’ stadium being constructed. The Bills’ are the most recent team to have a new stadium funded with public money. While this debate can go all over the place. The reality is that any team would love to have public money fund every stadium build, as that means less money spent by them. But the reality is that most sport’s stadium builds come down to concessions between the governing entities and the sport’s teams. Such as, the government will fund X amount, as long as the team covers, or finds private financing for the rest. A concession allows for some, but not all of the funding to be publicly financed.
In 1 Corinthians 7:5-6, Paul gives similar direction to the Corinthians asking about celibacy in marriage. Celibacy is not normal between a husband and wife. But the one concession for when it’s ok is for prayer: to seek deeper connection with God; to seek the way of God more fully; to align more fully with the way of God.
Marriage is ultimately about relationship with God: marriage as a picture of God to the world; or marriage as a picture of God to your spouse. And this plays itself out in two ways: Marriage as a picture of God to the world. Or, marriage as a picture of God to your spouse. For the first, this was referenced last week, where Paul uses the marriage relationship between the husband and wife, to depict the union that a follower of Jesus shares with God. We see this in Ephesians 5:31-32, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:31-32)
The marriage relationship depicts the commitment that followers of Jesus have to God; and the commitment that Jesus has to God’s church as his bride. The marriage relationship is a picture of relationship with God to the world.
For the second, Marriage is also a picture of God to your spouse. We see this also in Ephesians 5:21-25, Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. (Ephesians 5:21-25)
And the husband and wife here, reflect the attitude of Jesus, that we encounter in Philippians 2:5-11, “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:5-11)
Jesus, who shows us the clearest revelation of God’s character, humbled himself to consider the needs of others. So also, husbands and wives are to be like Jesus to each other, considering each other’s needs. In a broken world, things are not always ideal, especially marriage. There may be times for pauses in sexual intimacy, in order to consider the bodily or mental state of your spouse. But, Paul’s point in 1 Corinthians 7, is that this is a temporary pause – to seek God, or seek God’s way of considering your spouse during a particular situation of life. Otherwise, the fuller picture of marriage is sexual union with each other. Fullness of life in marriage is in regular sexual relation between the husband and wife. Otherwise, husbands and wives are tempted to find fullness of life in outlets unaligned with the way of God revealed in Jesus. Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself. Align with Jesus in marriage.
I’ve always joked that an example of my lack of decorative skills is reflected in this example. If I took books and sat them on a bed, then it would just look like books on a bed. But, if my wife, Julia did the same thing, it would be creative, stylish, and and complimentary to the room. I don’t have the gift of decorating a room, but Julia does. For me to try to be creatively decorative, I would just be frustrated. Whereas, for Julia, creatively decorating is fulfilling. I can very easily be self-controlled in be celibate in the creative decorating. Whereas, that would be frustrating for her to give up.
In 1 Corinthians 7:7-9, Paul highlights a similar dynamic with sexuality. Last week, we reflected on how we are whole persons: inner and outer selves working in harmony. And Paul is highlighting that some people’s inner drive is different than others. Some people have an inner drive for sexual intimacy, and others don’t. Some people have the gift of celibacy, and others don’t.
You right away may be thinking, that’s me. I definitely don’t have the gift of celibacy, lol. And if that’s you, then marriage is the pathway to align your sexuality, with the fullness of life, that God has for how he designed your life to function. The marriage pathway is how God has gifted you to live. And God’s gifts are always good gifts: Matthew 7:9-11, “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:9-11)
James 1:16-18a, “Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth… (James 1:16-18a).
If God has gifted you to marriage, it’s a good gift.
Or, you may be thinking, that’s me. I definitely have control of my sexual urges. I don’t have a drive toward marriage. And if that’s you, then celibacy is the pathway to align your sexuality, with the fullness of life, that has has for how he designed your life to function. The celibate pathway is how God has gifted you to live. That may be for a season of your life. Or maybe for the duration of your life. If God has gifted you to celibacy, it’s a good gift.
The reality that Paul lays out here, is that sexual activity is not necessary to have a full life. Sexual attraction to someone of the opposite gender or marriage are not necessary to have a full life. Alignment with the God revealed in Jesus, though, is necessary to have a full life. Fullness of life comes primarily from God.
If you’re married, fullness of life in marriage comes from being aligned with God’s way of life revealed in the life of Jesus. Fullness of life comes in marriage when a husband and wife’s relationship extends the character of the kingdom of God into the world. Into the lives of each other. Into the lives of their children and grandchildren. Into the lives of those they bless and serve in their day-to-day activities together.
If you’re celibate, fulness of life in abstinence from sex comes from being aligned with God’s way of life revealed in the life of Jesus. Fulness of life comes in celibacy when a person commits themself to the kingdom of God, and invites others into it. As Sean Cronin will guide us to see in a couple weeks, Paul notes this benefit for a celibate person in 1 Corinthians 7:32, “An unmarried man [or woman] is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he [or she] can please the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:32)
Whereas, marriages ensure the future of human life in God's creation, through the birth of children, celibate servants of God ensure the future of spiritual life in God's kingdom, through new birth in Christ, through people becoming adopted sons and daughters of God, through Jesus. A celibate life is not a lesser life. In Jesus, a celibate life can be a full and purpose-fulled life.
Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself.
When you’re misaligned with God, you end up frustrated and life gets messy.
We’re tempted to seek fulness of life in a standard, other than what God has revealed in Jesus. And when we do so, we end up misaligned with God. And when you’re misaligned with God, you end up frustrated and life gets messy. When you misalign with God, you get sexually frustrated in marriage, and sexuality gets messy. You feel unfulfilled, questioning if marriage is worth continuing. When you misalign with God, you get frustrated in finding purpose beyond your sexuality. Finding purpose get messy. You feel unfulfilled, questioning if celibacy is worth maintaining.
God is calling you to follow the way of Jesus – to encounter fullness of life. Its’ in alignment with Jesus that you’ll discover the true standard for sexual activity. It’s in alignment with Jesus that you can experience God’s fullness of life in marriage. It’s in alignment with Jesus that you can experience God’s fulness of life in celibacy. Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself.
Align your life to Jesus in faith, under the water of baptism.
Today, if you’ve never taken a step of faith to align yourself with Jesus, I invite you to consider taking that step today. Please find me, or Mitch, or an elder, or a trusted follower of Jesus, whom you know, and ask them to help you discern how to align your life to Jesus under the water of baptism – being united with him in death, and resurrection hope to new life. What is hindering you from taking that step of faith?
What temptation are you facing to un-align your life from Jesus?
If you’ve already aligned your life with Jesus in baptism, what temptation are you facing to un-align your life from Jesus? What part of your marriage needs re-aligned with God’s way? What form of sexual intimacy, presence, or pleasure are you seeking apart from alignment with God’s place for sexual union in marriage? What is keeping you from aligning your sexual expression in the commitment of marriage? How is God’s Spirit calling you to find fulness of life in sexuality, marriage, or celibacy? What response is he prompting you to take toward aligning with his standard?
Align with Jesus no matter where you find yourself.